FAMILY ROLES
THE
CARETAKER.
When you learn to keep everyone else steady, it can be hard to remember that you need care too.
YOU LEARNED TO
HOLD IT TOGETHER.
The caretaker often becomes the person others rely on to keep things steady: noticing needs, easing tension and taking responsibility when someone else is struggling.
You may have learned to anticipate moods, smooth over arguments or look after someone who was meant to be looking after you. Being called mature, helpful or dependable could make that responsibility feel like your place in the family.
Helping may have mattered to you. But when it became something everyone expected, there may have been little room to be tired, upset or need support yourself. You needed care too.
WHAT IT CAN FEEL LIKE
EVERYONE ELSE
COMES FIRST.
You might notice what everyone else needs before you have had a chance to ask what you need.
You may offer help before anyone asks, check someone’s mood before you relax, or put off a conversation because it feels like the wrong time to add your own difficulty.
Over time, being needed can feel familiar. Stepping back — even when someone else can manage — may bring guilt or worry.
KEEPING THE PEACE
You find yourself softening what one person said to another, hoping it won’t turn into an argument.
YOUR NEEDS CAN WAIT.
You put off asking for help until the difficult moment has passed. By then, it can feel easier not to ask at all.
SAYING NO FEELS HEAVY.
Even a reasonable boundary can leave you worrying about how someone else will cope.
REST FEELS UNFINISHED.
It can be hard to settle when you know somebody might still need something from you.
A DIFFERENT UNDERSTANDING
CARING DOES NOT MEAN
CARRYING EVERYTHING.
You can care deeply about someone without being responsible for how they feel.
The care you gave mattered. So did the times you were tired, needed help or wished someone would notice how much you were doing. You can still be there for people while asking what you need, and letting them carry what belongs to them.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN CARRYING?
When you have spent a long time looking after others, your own needs can be difficult to hear.
Some responsibilities are so familiar that you may not notice you’re still carrying them.
READING THE ROOM.
Whose mood do you find yourself checking before you can relax?
ASKING FOR HELP.
What makes it difficult to let someone know when you need support?
WHAT IS YOURS.
What are you still trying to take care of that may not be yours to fix?
ROOM TO THINK
YOU DON’T HAVE TO HOLD IT ALL.
You can make space for your own needs, even when someone else is having a difficult time.
A session with Sophie and Gaz gives you space to talk through a responsibility you’re carrying, a boundary you’re considering or what makes asking for help difficult. You can begin with one situation that’s on your mind.
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