FAMILY ROLES
THE
LOST CHILD.
When staying quiet kept you out of the way, it could become hard to know how to let yourself be seen.
YOU LEARNED TO
TAKE UP LESS SPACE.
The lost child often becomes the one who stays out of the way: keeping feelings private, asking for little and learning to manage alone.
When family life felt tense or other people’s needs filled the room, being quiet may have helped you avoid attention or conflict. People might have called you easy, independent or no trouble at all.
As everyone grew used to you managing, they may have overlooked the times you needed comfort, help or someone to ask how you were. Learning to need little from others did not mean you had little need for care.
WHAT IT CAN FEEL LIKE
IT FEELS SAFER
TO STAY SMALL.
You may want to feel closer to someone, yet hesitate when there is a chance to let them know you.
You might answer “I’m fine” before you have considered how you feel, keep good news to yourself or decide that what you want to say can wait. Later, you may wish you had shared more.
When managing alone feels familiar, accepting help can feel exposing. You may wonder how much to share, whether your needs are welcome or what someone will expect in return.
YOU LEAVE IT UNSAID.
You replay a conversation later, thinking about the thing you almost told them.
YOU SAY ANYTHING IS FINE.
You let someone else choose because saying what you want would mean explaining it.
NO ONE THINKS TO ASK.
People assume you are okay because you rarely cause concern. Sometimes you wish they would check.
AN INVITATION FEELS RISKY.
You want to say yes, then wonder whether you will know how to belong once you get there.
A DIFFERENT UNDERSTANDING
YOU WERE WORTH
NOTICING.
Needing attention, comfort or help did not make you a burden.
You may enjoy spending time alone. You may also wish someone had come looking for you. Both can be true. It might help to notice when you want privacy, and when you are keeping something to yourself because asking to be seen still feels difficult.
A MOMENT TO REFLECT
WHERE DO YOU STILL DISAPPEAR?
You can begin by noticing the moments when you want to say something, ask for help or let someone closer.
Think of one recent moment when you held back. What did you want the other person to know, and what made it difficult to tell them?
WHAT YOU KEEP IN.
What do you often decide not to say, even when it matters to you?
ASKING FOR HELP.
Who would you feel safe asking for one small thing?
BEING SEEN.
What happens in you when someone notices that you are struggling?
ROOM TO THINK
YOU CAN BEGIN
WHERE YOU ARE.
You can take your time finding the words for what you want to share.
A session with Sophie and Gaz gives you space to explore something you’ve kept to yourself, a relationship you want to understand or what makes asking for support difficult. You choose what to share and can begin with one thing that feels manageable.
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